About

The Náströnd is Lake Stevens High School’s premier source for satirical news. 

Since our founding, we have been dedicated to the relentless pursuit of the "truth"—or at least, a very entertaining, exaggerated version of it. While the regular school paper covers the football scores and the bell schedule, The Náströnd digs deeper. We ask the hard questions that the administration is afraid to answer, like: "Is the cafeteria mystery meat technically a solid or a liquid?" and "Which parking lot pothole has officially achieved sentience?"

Our team of sleep-deprived reporters and caffeine-fueled editors work around the clock (mostly during 3rd period) to bring you the stories that matter. We promise to deliver high-quality, 100% fabricated journalism that captures the spirit, the struggle, and the absurdity of life at LSHS.

Behind the Name: Why "The Náströnd"?

For those brushing up on their Norse mythology, or those who just play a lot of God of War, you might know that Náströnd translates to "Shore of Corpses."

A bit dramatic for a high school paper? Maybe. But have you seen the hallways during a passing period?

As true Lake Stevens Vikings, we believe that if you can't conquer a problem, you should at least write a funny article about it. We chose this name because we are the bards of the back row, the skalds of the student lot, and the chroniclers of every awkward assembly. We are here to navigate the treacherous waters of high school, shielding you from the freezing winds of boredom with the warm cloak of humor.

So, welcome to the Shore. Grab an oar and start reading.

Our Standards

We may be fake news, but we have real standards. Writing satire is a balancing act between being hilarious and being sued, and we take that balance seriously. To ensure we stay on the right side of the line (and the First Amendment), we operate under a strict set of guidelines.

Code of Ethics: Learn how we decide who to mock, why we "punch up, not down," and why we strictly forbid hate speech.

Statement on Generative AI: Read our statement on why robots will never be as funny as sleep-deprived teenagers.

Independent and Uncensored

The Náströnd is a completely independent, student-run publication. We are not funded, endorsed, reviewed, or affiliated with Lake Stevens High School or the Lake Stevens School District.

Why does this matter? It means we operate under the full protection of the First Amendment. The U.S. legal system protects satire and parody as vital forms of free speech, provided that "no reasonable person" would interpret our articles as factual news reports. We rely on our readers to be those "reasonable people." We use hyperbole, irony, and absurdity not to deceive, but to highlight the funny, frustrating, and weird truths about being a student.

We don't speak for the school. We speak for the students.

On a Serious Note

The Náströnd is a satirical publication. All articles, reports, and editorials are works of fiction and are intended for entertainment and humor purposes only. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Please don't sue us; we have no money.

Join Us

Do you have strong opinions about things that don't matter? Do you enjoy making things up? Do you want to put "Published Satirist" on your college applications to confuse admissions officers?

The Náströnd is always looking for writers, artists, photographers, and meme-historians to join our ranks. We don’t require previous journalism experience; in fact, too much commitment to "facts" might actually hurt your chances.

We are looking for students who:
- Are fluent in sarcasm
- Have a pulse
- Know the difference between "your" and "you're" (mostly)

How to Join: Email us at joinus@example.com.